I remember thinking I can’t wait to get to my 30’s because I spent all of my 20’s trying to figure things out… you know the basic stuff like learning who I was, how to be a better mother, trying to stay spiritually and emotionally stable. Honestly, I am not even sure how to sum up my twenties, but to tell you at the time I was glad they were behind me.
As I approached my 30’s I was uber excited…glad to embark on a new decade. I was finishing up a graduate program, raising my children, traveling and gainfully employed, life wasn't perfect, but it was good. Then in a blink of an eye, I was diagnosed with breast cancer…what the hell…I was only 32… I wasn’t ready. I was a single parent with two small children at the time. It was surreal, not what I envisioned for myself. Cancer? Why me? What did I do wrong? These were some of the questions that I asked myself, that I asked God. I just didn’t understand it…I did everything I was supposed to do, but death wanted to reside in my bosom. It wanted to take my life source away. It wanted to challenge my womanhood. It wanted me to rise up and become a warrior!!
A Warrior Was Manifested
After all the questioning….after all the crying….after all the woes me …I realized that I wasn’t going to let Cancer win! I was determine to be victorious, to find joy in the mist of a bad dream that was real. In order for me to survive, I needed to devise a plan to win the small battles and the war. I accepted the help of my tribe ( very difficult when you are accustom to doing it all)…a handful of people that supported me and gave me strength. We celebrated it all….A pre-mastectomy party…A post mastectomy party…A pre-radiation party….A post radiation party…damn it we/I looked for any reason to be around those that I loved and those that loved me. My tribe was very instrumental in saving my life. They replenished my soul when I felt depleted.
I began making lifestyle changes….changed the way I was eating. Stopped eating processed food…became a vegetarian for a while and most of all I started juicing fresh green juices to facilitate a quicker healing in conjunction with my chemotherapy. This is also when I began to stop using over the counter deodorant and looking for more natural ways to look and feel good. Honestly, I used every arsenal of defense that I had in my spiritual and emotional tool box to guarantee my victory. Please don’t be mistaken…this wasn’t about preserving the extension of my original life…but how I was going to live my new found life?
I reevaluated my mindset and found my purpose. I pushed through to become authentically me, not the person everyone wanted me to be. I laughed more, loved more, surrounded myself with goodness, challenged my thoughts and began to savor it all. It was more important for me to have the best 3 months on earth then to live 30 years of misery.
Through the diagnosis, the mastectomy, the reconstructive surgery, radiation, more reconstructive surgery, tears, joy, and most of all PRAYER, I have managed to win the most important battle of my life....I was granted 11 more years to spread love, 11 more years to spend with my family...11 more years to attend graduations and proms....11 more years to be thankful for it ALL... Each day that I stand amongst the living is a victory for me, continuing the challenge to be the best version of myself.